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托福独立写作中间段落如何更有逻辑的展开

作者: 2021-12-03 10:35 来源:杭州编辑
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相信口语和写作都是许多同学突分很难跨越的一道坎,但是口语和阅读的相同点在于,他们都是依靠着一个个评分标准来评价,下面让我们先来看看写作的评分标准有哪些。


托福独立写作中间段落如何更有逻辑的展开


为什么写作分数总上不去?

有一部分同学虽然语法词汇基础不错,写作中也给出了相对切题的观点但分数仍然停滞不前,其中一个很大的原因在于第二项 Well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanation, exemplification  and/or details 和第三项 unity, progression and coherence 没有很好的回应,例如没有细节支撑,文章太滑水或者例证和论点不匹配等等。


看下面例题

比如下面这个例子两位同学表达的都是喜欢吃哈根达斯冰淇淋这个事情


写法1

哈根达斯冰淇淋是我的挚爱。我是一个喜欢甜食的人,尤其喜欢冰淇淋。而在众多的冰淇淋品牌中,哈根达斯是我最喜欢的。我之所以喜欢这个牌子,就是因为它太好吃了。它不仅品种多样,琳琅满目;而且包装精美,品尝哈根达斯,是追求美好生活的象征。这样美好的食物,你怎能不爱!(127字)


写法2

哈根达斯冰淇淋是我的挚爱。我喜欢它,因为它能提供每一种我喜欢的口味。无论是草莓、巧克力,还是香草和酸奶,我所能想到的口味,它从未让我失望。此外,哈根达斯还时常带给我美好的回忆。记得我和朋友在一起的时候,最喜欢做的事就是在哈根达斯店里一起吃冰淇淋聊天。每当我吃这款冰淇淋的时候,都会想起那些美好的时光。(150字)


对比写法1和写法2,写法2结构清晰,观点明确(两个理由:口味和美好回忆)并且通过论据(举例多种口味以及个人亲身经历)帮助自己论证。相反,写法1重复信息较多,论点较多不明确(品种,包装,味道好等),并且每个论点都缺乏具体的细节支撑。


处理方法

首先,我们要知道核心段拓展中几个重要的概念:统一性(unity), 连贯性 (coherence)和渐进性 (progression)。

Unity: the entire paragraph focuses on one single idea, avoiding idea repetition or irrelevant points.Coherence: sentences in a paragraph are organized in a clear and logical order.

Progression: the process of developing ideas gradually from one stage to another.

简单来说在例证时,我们需要用具体的例子与中心句及解释的部分挂钩,有逻辑的用具象事物去演绎分论点的逻辑关系,同时避免出现重复、无关的细节。

类似于这样的结构: 中心句/主题句--> 解释分论点--> 举例+相关细节


我们一起看看下面这个题目

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Working from home using computers and telephone is better than working in the office.


按照中心句/主题句--> 解释分论点--> 举例+相关细节,我们先给出主题句如下:

First of all, people working in the office can have a better communication with others when they come across some difficulties. 


然后对better understanding这个论点进行进一步解释论证

Because employees can use sign language or diagrams to illustrate their problems, making other co-workers easier to comprehend their thoughts, which is usually more beneficial for solving problems. 


最后通过例子(例如个人或名人经历,专家意见,数据统计等)展开更多的细节。这里要特别注意,例子在写作表达中不需要特别多,应该更注重例子的细节程度而非个数。


对于这个题目而言,例子可以通过上一句解释论证中讲到的面对面交流更有利于高效解决问题这个点进行细化,比如可以讲自己或者身边人在公司办公比居家办公更能高效解决问题的例子。


For instance, a friend of mine named Tom usually works in the office.When he has some difficulties that he cannot solve by himself, he usually asks his colleagues for help. As they can communicate with each other in a short distance, it is much easier for them to exchange their ideas. Therefore, Tom can always work out his problems in a short time with the help of others. However, when he took break in his home last year, trying to finish one of his tasks, although he sought help on the Internet about the difficulties he met, others could not comprehend his well so that his task was not finished on time. Consequently, people working in the office can make their problem easy to be solved through the communication with others.


最后把他们拼接在一起就是完整的观点论证啦,即达到了字数要求又有效的进行了段落拓展。


First of all, people working in the office can have a better communication with others when they come across some difficulties. Because employees can use sign language or diagrams to illustrate their problems, making other co-workers easier to comprehend their thoughts, which is usually more beneficial for solving problems. For instance, a friend of mine named Tom usually works in the office.When he has some difficulties that he cannot solve by himself, he usually asks his colleagues for help. As they can communicate with each other in a short distance, it is much easier for them to exchange their ideas. Therefore, Tom can always work out his problems in a short time with the help of others. However, when he took break in his home last year, trying to finish one of his tasks, although he sought help on the Internet about the difficulties he met, others could not comprehend his well so that his task was not finished on time. Consequently, people working in the office can make their problem easy to be solved through the communication with others.

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